I Run, Therefore I am--Nuts!

264 pages published: 2001

About the Book

I Run, Therefore I Am—Nuts! takes a funny look at the peculiarities, quirks, and obsessions of runners of all abilities. Whether you fall in the middle of the pack, up near the front of the pack, or so far from any semblance of a pack that you’re wondering if everyone went home already, you’ll find plenty to laugh about in this book.

I Run, Therefore I Am—Nuts! is a comical examination of events that are near and dear to every runner’s well-conditioned heart. As the Dave Barry of running, popular running humorist Bob Schwartz pokes fun at the idiosyncratic personalities of runners and the funny situations they encounter in training, eating, racing, preparing for races, and revolving their everyday lives around running.

I Run, Therefore I Am—Nuts! brings out the humor in situations that every type of runner can relate to:

• The intricate art of drinking on the run from paper cups • Trying to reacquaint fingers to toes after years of tight hamstrings • Hitting the wall • Having your heart flutter with the newest cushioned training shoe • Discovering cross-training contraptions designed to strengthen your gluteus to its maximus • Getting excited about the latest flavor of energy gel on the market

As any runner with tight hamstrings and a funny bone would, you’ll laugh your way through these and many other amusing stories illustrated with cartoons by artist B.K. Taylor, whose drawings have appeared in many national publications, including Mad Magazine and National Lampoon.

Author Bob Schwartz is America’s funniest running writer. An avid, slightly over-the-top runner himself, he has completed countless marathons (but laments that excessive glycogen depletion at the finish prevents him from fully remembering each one) as well as all race distances from the 200 Meter Kids Snowman Shuffle (where he finished second after edging out a four-year-old at the finish line) to an ultramarathon of 50 miles (a feat he has no intention of repeating). In addition to his weekly syndicated newspaper column, he has had hundreds of humorous essays published in national and regional publications, including Runner’s World, FootNotes, and Fitness Runner.

For anyone who loves the aromatic smell of perspiration, who enjoys the exhilaration of exhaustion, who drinks solely from squirt bottles, or whose wardrobe is filled with reflective clothing—this book is for you.

About the Author

Bob Schwartz is a longtime freelance writer who specializes in running humor. He is well known to the mainstream running media. In addition to his weekly syndicated newspaper column, he has had hundreds of humorous essays published in national and regional publications, including Runner’s World, FootNotes, Fitness Runner, Michigan Runner, New York Runner, Washington Running Report, Tail Winds, Run Ohio, Oklahoma Runner, Inside Texas Running, and Arkansas Runner.

Schwartz has been an avid and slightly over-the-top runner for more than 20 years. He has completed countless marathons (but laments that excessive glycogen depletion at the finish prevents him from fully remembering each one) as well as all race distances from the 200 Meter Kids Snowman Shuffle (where he finished second after edging out a four-year-old at the finish line) to an ultramarathon of 50 miles (a feat he has no intention of repeating).

Schwartz lives in Huntington Woods, Michigan, with his wife, Robin, and three children. His favorite pastimes are running, laughing, and writing.

Words of Praise

"Every true runner will get a laugh out of this book. Schwartz does a good job pointing out the wonderful absurdities of our sport." Arturo Barrios Five-time world-record holder

"In this book, Bob Schwartz captures a unique spirit that every runner experiences regardless of fitness level. His perspective on running--a sport that can cause extreme moments of both glory and pain--is sharp, real, and very funny. Schwartz covers all the basics with a witty voice and a runner’s hard-earned experience." Lizzie Wann Editor of Fitness Runner magazine

"What a delightful book. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I could relate to it through my own experiences. The reading is light and humorous, and it takes a completely different approach to running. Very refreshing." Colleen De Reuck Professional runner

"There is wisdom behind the laughter! Bob Schwartz makes you smile as he reminds you that behind the science of running, there is a lot of laughs and luck! He encourages the runners with wit and revelations that years of running experience (and inexperience!) provide. I Run, Therefore I Am Nuts will reinforce every runner’s love of the sport, and pride in their accomplishments. It’s a fun read that I recommend to runners of all abilities." Susan Kalish Executive Director, The American Running Association

"Most runners take their sport seriously--sometimes too seriously. Bob Schwartz provides a refreshingly irreverent slant on a variety of topics to help keep a more balanced perspective. Take a run on the lighter side!" Jeff Galloway 1972 Olympian, 10,000m Author of Galloway’s Book on Running